Disappointment burnout is a real thing. Chances are you've felt it.
After a string of bad news you'll feel demotivated and down.
For me, I have to drag myself to do a selftape, I'll do 1 or 2 takes, tell myself i don't care and send the first one without really looking at it.
It'll seep into my personal life, I become grouchy, I lose motivation to do most things - it's motivation really I lose motivation. I feel very very de-motivated.
Some days It feels like I'm dragging myself through mud.
But it turns out there is a way to prevent disappointment burnout.
YOU ARE NOT BROKEN
The Equation
In the early 80s, psychologist Richard Oliver ran a test.
A bunch of people were getting a flu vaccine and he measured their expectations before hand.
Some patients believed the shot was going to be agonising.
Others believed it was going to be painless.
His breakthrough finding was this:
the patients who expected the shot to be agonisingly painful but felt only a minor prick, walked away highly satisfied.
the patients who expected a painless process but felt that same minor prick, walked away miserable.
He summed up these findings in the Satisfaction Equation.
Satisfaction = Reality βExpectations.
Expectations - what you believed was going to happen.
Reality - what actually happened.
The higher your expectations are compared to reality, the less satisfaction you'll have. And the more disappointed you will be.
This is caused by the Dopamine party happening in your brain.
β
When it comes to your pleasure neurons, the same rule applies:
Dopamine Release = Reward Received - Reward Expected
If you put your old games console on ebay, and assume you're going to get about Β£5 for it. When it sells for Β£20 you get a big dopamine hit and feel great.
If you expect it to go for Β£300 and it sells for Β£20 you get a dopamine dip and feel like a mug.
Same reality (Β£20), different expectations, different levels of dopamine release.
If you feel like a mug over and over again, your brain begins to send you signals that this is all not worth the effort.
So, despite receiving the same amount of money both times, there is one thing that changes that causes your brain to say "Nah this is not for you"
And that one thing is in your control.
Here is how we can use this:
Step 1: Lower our expectations
Step 2: Raise our standards
Step 3: Burn it all down.
Step 1: Lower our Expectations
Hustle culture and the high wizards of manifesting will have it that in order to get what we want we must first expect it.
You must tell yourself...
I will book this audition.
I will get this agent to represent me.
My life will be easier next year.
...and then you'll be on your way to success.
But in reality, this sets us up for failure.
We do not have control over any of those things.
Believing we do is a fools game.
We don't know if we will book the role, we just don't know. To say it will happen is to reject the reality of our situation, and set us up for failure.
A failure that leads to a deep feeling of dissatisfaction, and self flagellation for thinking we could do it in the first place.
But we don't need sky high expectations in order to achieve what we want.
We can lower them without fear.
And we won't become slackers because we lower our expectations
Lowering our expectations doesn't let us off the hook.
This is because we have high standards.
Step 2: Raise our standards.
Did I learn my lines completely?
Did I manage my nerves?
Did I listen?
Did I warm up effectively?
Did I take a breath before action?
Did I arrive 30 mins ahead of time?
Did I get an early night before the audition?
Did I do everything I can, that is within my control?
These are what we can hold ourselves accountable for.
These are what we can control.
Our industry's dependence on quick results, impossible turnarounds and no rehearsal time have forced actors into a results based mindset, aka thinking in outcomes.
But our joy and satisfaction lies in exploration, curiosity and rigour.
Our art lies in our process.
The more we focus on the things we can control, the less we walk in expecting an outcome, the less we will subliminally be begging for the role, the more we can take risks, the more we can "enjoy" it.
"I am entirely confident in my process and entirely indifferent to the outcome."
as jason bateman would put it
HOW DO I PUT IT INTO PRACTICE?
Experiment with what follows, take what's useful discard the rest. Our hustle conditioning runs deep so go easy on yourself if you find it hard. It's one of those things that gets easier the more you do it.
i. Pre doing the thing
As soon as you get the meeting or start sending emails out, define what winning looks like to you by the things you can control:
I'm going to be so off book i can speed run it 3 times with no mistakes.
I'm going focus on listening.
I'm going to take 1 breathe before every take.
I'm going to make 1 choice that comes to me in the moment.
I'm going to experiment with actions in my prep.
I'm going to send 3 follow up emails today before breakfast.
I'm going to write 1hrs worth of short film without going back and editing.
ii. Doing the thing
If you notice you're thinking in terms of outcomes, e.g:
"I'm going to book this audition"
replace it with
"I have no idea if i will book this audition. And I don't care. For the next few minutes I'm going to focus on [insert the winning thing you can control]"
iii. After doing the thing
Spend 5 minutes reflecting on how it went.
Did you do the things that you said was winning?
If no, how come?
What part of the process do you need to change next time?
What's 1 thing you did that you liked?
What's 1 thing you did that can be improved?
Once you've made a note of those things give yourself a pat on the back
then burn it all down to the ground.
Step 3: Burn it all down.
Adrian Lester once said that as soon as he comes out of an audition his script goes straight into the bin.
I would go one further.
Once you've made your notes for next time
Purge everything.
Script in the bin.
Archive the emails.
Change your clothes.
Get everything associated with with the thing out of sight and out of mind.
Then start your next task immediately:
Go for a run
Call a friend
Do an errand
Work on you next move (one that doesn't depend on the previous one)
Jump into it so that your mind has zero chance to daydream on outcomes.
A caveat
Some days none of this will make a difference. I know all of this on an intellectual level, but somedays i need a day or two to rage into the abyss. to frolic about in the mud.
You should be able to vent without chastising yourself for not using a formula.
We still need to be kind to ourselves.
This is here for when you feel like you are broken, and I want to emphasise that you really are not.
The system you are part of is, and hopefully this will help you armour up against it.
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Know an actor who loves their art, wants to act more but is fed up with the industry?
